September 18, 2016

Why Some Marriages Don’t Last — Seyi Alesh

US-based gospel artistes - Seyi and Tomi Aleshinloye a.k.a Seyi Alesh and Tomi Favored - speak on their marriage and other issues of life with Punch's Qismat Yinus.

How did you meet your spouse?
Seyi Alesh: When I got to the United States, I was attending a church which she used to attend before leaving for school. Someone told me about how she used to play drums, the piano, and sing very well, and it really amazed me because there are few Nigerian musicians in California. I was really happy and wanted to get in touch with her for us to do music together. I got her name, connected with her on Facebook and we became friends. We saw each other for the first time when she invited me to a youth programme. We became close and I loved the fact that she was close to God. We were always in church together.
Tomi Favored: He came to the church I used to attend before moving to school and the music director told him about a girl that used to sing and play the piano and drums. The music director told him my name; he became curious and sent me a message via Facebook. I replied when he said he got my name from my music director. We became friends and started to chat for many months before he requested for my number.
So music brought you together?
Tomi Favored: Yes, God used music to bring us together.
What attracted you to your spouse?
Seyi Alesh: Her passion for godly activities; she puts all her strength in the service of God. I cannot marry someone who does not love God because all I do revolves around the church and ministration. I really love the fact that I saw a lady who grew up in the US and still fear God so much. We study the word of God together. Her love for God was what drove me to her.
Tomi Favored: I had met a lot of men who claimed to love God but were not serious about Him.  I had never met a Nigerian musician who is as crazy about God as my husband.
Was there any opposition to your marriage from family members?
Seyi Alesh: Not at all. My family members know that I am a determined person. They know that I would have thought about it and done my homework before making a decision. They were happy when I took her to them.
Tomi Favored: No. My mother and sisters said I was too slow about our marriage. They told me to hurry. My mother loves Seyi like a son.
How would you describe your marriage?
Seyi Alesh: My marriage has been fun and interesting. We have been learning and growing together; learning how to be good parents and ministers of God. Sometimes, I can be difficult but she has been there for me.
How did children affect your marriage?
Seyi Alesh: God has helped us because the coming of our children brought us together. Before we got married, we studied some books and learnt a lot about managing our time with our children, ministry and our love life. Our kids are blessings to us and we nurture them together. We have two children.
Tomi Favored: It has increased the level of closeness that we share. The love for my husband is there and the love I have for my children has only added extra flavour to it. The coming of the children has made us better people.
What is the greatest lesson marriage has taught you?
Seyi Alesh: Marriage has taught me understanding. The Bible says “He that findeth a wife has found a good thing and obtaineth favour from the Lord.”
When God gives one a gift and one nurtures it well, God will bless one. God has blessed my life with my wife. I have learnt to take care of every gift God blesses my life with.
Tomi Favored: Selflessness and submission. Submission is not a bad thing. It is like someone who is a star basketball player running on the court and refusing to consult with his or her coach. Once one is married, one does not think only about oneself alone, one becomes a helpmate to one’s partner.
Do you recall your first disagreement as a couple?
Seyi Alesh: We had a serious disagreement before we got married and I told her that if we could overcome that disagreement, we would overcome anything in our marriage. God taught us a lot of lessons before we got married. It was just a little thing that caused the disagreement; an argument turned into a big disagreement, and it was a few weeks to the wedding. It was caused by an enemy and the pressure of the wedding.
Tomi Favored: I actually do not remember our first disagreement. I know we have had major disagreements that did not linger for more than a few hours.
Do you allow a third party to settle disputes for you?
Tomi Favored: Absolutely not. We settle our differences independently without third party interference. The only one allowed to settle disagreements for us is God. The fear of God is very important; when one is married to someone who does not have the fear of God, one begins to seek third party interference.
How do you cope working in the same industry?
Seyi Alesh: I have heard a lot of stories about challenges couples face working in the same industry. We are not entertainers but ministers and we understand that we are reporting to God. God has orchestrated us in a way that she plays the piano while I play the saxophone. Sometimes, when I go for a ministration, she assists me by playing the piano, and I also take the role of her manager when she goes somewhere to minister. To the Glory of God, we do not go through the challenges some people face.
Tomi Favored: It is something I enjoy incredibly because not many people have such a privilege. It is such a blessing.
How do you handle attention from the opposite sex?
Seyi Alesh: The fear of God is there but it does not mean that one will not go through temptations or find people who would come to one with a wrong motive. One cannot stop all these from happening but one can control one’s reaction.
Tomi Favored: Every other man became my brother when I got married. I flash my wedding ring and announce my husband everywhere I go. My male admirers know that my husband comes first and last.
What is your view about joint accounts for married couples?
Seyi Alesh: Because God has joined two people as one, there should be transparency. My wife has access to all my accounts. The best way to keep a home is to share one’s income with understanding. We have a joint account. We understand our strengths and weaknesses. My weakness is my wife’s strength.
Tomi Favored: I think it is necessary. Couples should have joint accounts because the idea of marriage is for couples to bring their resources together for their betterment.
Why do you think marriages of celebrities do not last?
Seyi Alesh: It is because God is not the foundation of these marriages; some of them come together because they are doing the same thing or for material benefits, and when they stop deriving such benefits, problems arise. One should marry only because of what one can give and not for what one can get.
Tomi Favored: A lot of married people think only about themselves and when it becomes all about self, such marriages will not last. When people are referred to as celebrities, it gets to their heads and that mindset eventually goes into their marriages.
What do you think are the keys to a successful marriage?
Seyi Alesh: A good relationship with God keeps marriages. When couples lack the fear of God, their marriages fail.
Tomi Favored: Humility and the fear of God. If one loves God, one will love one’s spouse.
Would you marry your spouse all over again?
Seyi Alesh: I pray to God to allow us marry again in heaven. I want to be her husband when we get to heaven.
Tomi Favored: I will marry my husband 50 billion times. My petition is in heaven now because I want us to stay married in heaven.
What are the things that get your spouse angry?
Seyi Alesh: She does not like the fact that I procrastinate. I call her my manager because she manages all I do. She gets angry whenever I procrastinate or when I am untidy.
Tomi Favored: He complains that I do not rest a lot and do not take care of myself the way I take care of others.
How often do you hang out together?
Tomi Favored: We do that every day, because we do things together and we are usually together.


Anonymous said...

Keep it up u people sound so much in love

Harbolarkale Niyi said...

That's lovely

astute said...

Wow may God continue 2 bless ur marriage de more

astute said...

Wow may God continue 2 bless ur marriage de more

ats three said...


inumidun said...

God bless dere marriage..

Peter Thompson said...

You know, this is a very serious matter, I've never thought about it. It seems to me sometimes the couple decides to marry guided only by emotions. that's why when I met my wife on a dating site we immediately decided that first it is necessary to live together, and then to understand whether we are approaching each other. We have done so and now are living well.