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"I Don’t Want To End Up Like My Mother!"

Dear Mummy Temilolu,
I don’t want to end up like my mother. She can’t even advise me on living right neither has she got the stamina as she’s crushed in spirit; she has become a used and dumped product. 

She told me she was in secondary school when my dad who had been trying to get her into a relationship, r*ped and impregnated her. He denied ever having s*x with her and denied until the day I was born when they were both told to swear before a deity and he eventually spoke the truth. 

She did not stop there; she got pregnant for two other men and had three children for these three men who never took care of her or their children! They all promised to marry her but as soon as she got pregnant, they’d dump her and vanish into thin air. She’s unmarried, does nothing for a living and has to depend on her younger brother to feed. 

Her younger sister also got pregnant out of wedlock and has two children for two different men, unmarried, and her children uncared for by their fathers, leaving them to suffer a great deal!

I cry because I don’t want to end up like them - I had been crying my eyes out for years until I saw your write-up in Saturday Punch. To worsen my plight, my uncle (aunt’s husband) whom I’ve been staying with doesn’t fail to remind me of my background and family pattern. He would shout at me and sometimes slap me, telling me he’s been wasting his money on me and that if I was with my father, I would never live a comfortable life as I’m privy to in his house. My father also had two children from two different women before finally settling with a third woman who also has children for him. 

After reading your article, I made up my mind not to be like my mother, I decided to wage war against every spirit that would manipulate me to follow her pattern. I want to be that graduate my mum never was, build the houses she couldn’t build, wipe away her tears and be the remedy for her mistakes. 

Some of my family members call me ‘born by mistake’ but God knows why He allowed me to be in existence and I believe He’ll answer them. My father hasn’t called me since, he doesn’t care about me. My aunt whom I live with and who has been so kind to me is now complaining as she can no longer afford to pay my school fees and as I grow older, the attention I get from men is alarming! I’m assured with God and you by my side; I’ll remain a virgin till my wedding night. However, how can I survive this situation please?

REPLY from Temilolu:

My precious P,
When I saw your photograph, I was astonished! Believe me, you’re one of the most beautiful creatures I’ve ever seen and so shall your life be beautiful in Jesus name. I thank God you have witnessed the hell your mother, her younger sister, her children and your siblings are facing, that amongst other discomfort you are facing right now should keep you on the right track because I see a genuine child of God in you. 

There’s so much hope for you, plenty of hope. I can already see how those who are mocking you right now will come bending low on their knees. In fact, I see you towering above all the males in your family in future and becoming the matriarch! You sure will become the cornerstone! Please keep this article for future reference! God will so showcase your life - even you will be perplexed.

What to do;
  1. As a matter of urgency, go and learn some handiwork or craft that can fetch you money so you can sustain yourself to a certain extent. YOU’RE GIFTED AND PROSPEROUS!
  2. Become a member of a church which focuses on the narrow path, the word of God as a guide for living right and one where their programmes are prayer-oriented!
  3. Become a praying and fasting machine! Pray about everything, talk to God at every spare time, and pick up your bible at every spare time. You have the energy to garner fire and power to kill the spirit backing up that pattern now!
  4. Please stay away from boyfriends and girls who do nothing but party, talk about their boyfriends/romance etc.
  5. Please mind who and what you follow on social media. The spirit of the world is in contention with the spirit of God and without the fullness of God’s spirit, stupid, bad, devil will ensure you follow your mother’s steps!